September 21, 2015. 1 year ago today. 2 days after our awesome gender reveal.
We were entering a new week having just found out awesome news. We were going to have our sweet baby boy. We both wanted a boy! The pinata opened, blue confetti fell, and we had our Nolan Robert!
We didn’t think anything could bring us down. We knew we were going in to see a specialist. September 5 we were told something was off about the heart. So Monday, September 21 we were going to find out. Did the spot go away? Was it a hole? We felt good. I mean, it was a rough day because Johnny’s power steering was going out, but we felt confident about our baby boy.
“I’m pretty sure your baby has hypoplastic left heart syndrome. He will need at least 3 surgeries.”
September 21, 2015 was the day I became a heart mom. I was scared. This little boy that I already love so much… what if I never get to meet him? Or, what if I meet him and then he’s taken away from me? It was a scary, difficult day. It was an emotional week.
But looking back on it now, I’d be able to tell myself… what it means to be a heart mom.
- It means LOTS of tears.
- It means people telling you they’re sorry when they find out because they don’t know what else to say.
- It means laughing with your husband when you realize you’ve only known for a couple days and could already blackout a “heart parent” bingo card.
- It means praying you hear your baby scream when he’s born, because that means he’s okay, right?
- It means only seeing him for a couple seconds and giving him a quick kiss.
- It means walking through the hospital bawling because your baby was just taken back for surgery.
- It means meeting amazing new families who GET IT while in the waiting room.
- It means anxiously waiting for those phone calls to hear that everything is going well.
- It means long nights in the hospital.
- It means cheering for good days and hoping tomorrow’s a better day.
- It means being excited for the family across the hall when they’re baby leaves CI, but also being a little jealous.
- It means being over the moon excited when you FINALLY get to take your boy home.
- It means spot checks everyday, twice a day.
- It means hurtful comments from people, so more tears.
- It means laughing when people tell you “it’ll work itself out” because they’re trying to be helpful.
- It means lots of medicine.
- It means reassuring people that he’s not cold, just blue.
- It means an amazing team of doctors and nurses.
- It means your boy surpassing every expectation you had because, by golly, no heart defect is holding him back!
- It means a whole new understanding of the heart.
- It means so much love for this amazing, courageous, warrior baby!
I can honestly say, I wouldn’t imagine my life as a mommy any other way.
I love my little man, and I love his heart! 💙