I was driving home from Target today when this song came on the radio. Oh, how I wish I would have heard this song after we found out Nolan’s diagnosis. I felt a lot of these emotions and prayed countless times that God’s will be done. But praying for God’s will is hard! Not because I don’t trust in His plan, but because every time I pray that His will be done, I immediately think “but what if it’s not what I want”. I know I probably shouldn’t think that, because God’s plan is greater than ANYTHING I could every imagine, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way in that moment. Sometimes, it feels like I know what’s best for Nolan, but really, that’s me thinking I know what’s best for me.
Trusting in God’s plan can be scary. It would be so much easier to just know! But, what I do know is that God is in control. He has a plan for Nolan and His plan is GOOD.
I continue to pray that the Lord’s will be done in Nolan’s life. However, I can’t promise that prayer won’t occasionally sound like this, “You know the desires of my heart, so if my desires could be Your will then I pray Your will be done.”
That prayer is soooo hard!!! Partly cause you feel like your letting go of control, when really we never have that control in the first place!! It’s a scary hard prayer!! I totally agree!!!
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