I was driving home from Target today when this song came on the radio. Oh, how I wish I would have heard this song after we found out Nolan’s diagnosis. I felt a lot of these emotions and prayed countless times that God’s will be done. But praying for God’s will is hard! Not because I don’t trust in His plan, but because every time I pray that His will be done, I immediately think “but what if it’s not what I want”. I know I probably shouldn’t think that, because God’s plan is greater than ANYTHING I could every imagine, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way in that moment. Sometimes, it feels like I know what’s best for Nolan, but really, that’s me thinking I know what’s best for me.
Trusting in God’s plan can be scary. It would be so much easier to just know! But, what I do know is that God is in control. He has a plan for Nolan and His plan is GOOD.
I continue to pray that the Lord’s will be done in Nolan’s life. However, I can’t promise that prayer won’t occasionally sound like this, “You know the desires of my heart, so if my desires could be Your will then I pray Your will be done.”