Last night, I was rocking Nolan to sleep. I usually use that time to pray. The majority of the time my prayer time ends in tears. And ends with me feeling sad and angry. But not last night.
Last night I realized that HLHS may still really stink but overall I’m truly thankful! I know, you wouldn’t think so by my last post. But I am. I started thinking about everything we’ve been through and realized all the GOOD that’s come from it.
I’m not in control. I never have been. But I sure like to think I am. And through this, God has shown me just how much I’m NOT in control, but how much He is!
He’s taught us that we can plan all we want but His plan is what matters. And sometimes that plan is hard to accept but it truly is better than anything I could do. I don’t understand His plan. And I probably never will, but there is one in place.
I’m thankful we have a beautiful baby boy.
I’m thankful that he’s doing incredibly well.
I’m thankful for the sweetest smiles Nolan gives.
I’m thankful for the laughs I get when people wonder why he’s blue. He’s not cold, I promise. 😉
I’m thankful for the love and support we’ve been shown through this.
I’m thankful for the nurses and doctors who take care of Nolan.
I’m thankful for the new families we’ve met who GET IT!
I’m thankful for God’s plan.
I would love to know what the future holds because sometimes the future can be scary. But I’m trying to take it one day at a time. To love and cherish every moment I have with Nolan.
Now, if God’s plan could just include Nolan sleeping WITHOUT being held within the next couple of weeks. 😉
Uneven Stephens 
I completely related with your last ‘honesty’ post and I remember that feeling of anger towards God too. I then went on to read this one and I actually laughed out loud as it straight away reminded me of how those feelings were shortly followed by peace and thankfulness, similar to how you have explained. I think these feelings are natural and that God understands and knows exactly what we need in those times of despair. Xx
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