Dear Nolan…

I am so excited to meet you and I really hope time goes by quicker! January seems so far away and I just want to hold you in my arms.

When daddy and I got married I kept asking when it would be time to start a family. He really wanted to wait a couple of years and be a little more established as a newly married couple. I understood that. Right before daddy and I celebrated our two-year anniversary we found out we were going to be having you… Of course, we didn’t know it’d be you, so to say. Mommy actually found out three days after her birthday and apparently I called daddy in a panic telling him to get home. I was so excited to tell him. I was slightly bummed that we found out right after Mother’s Day because that would have been a pretty cool Mother’s Day gift. When I told daddy he was shocked! We had just bought the house you are going to grow up in and so it just seemed like a lot at once, but we were both very excited! We immediately drove to both your grandparents’ houses to tell them.

It seemed like forever between finding out I was pregnant and finally getting to see you! We went and got pictures of you when you were just 10 weeks. You didn’t quite have defined features but we could tell where your little arms and legs were and you had your little hands near your face. I worried about you and wondered if you were okay a lot. It’s probably just a normal mommy thing and it’s never going to stop. 🙂 I loved every appointment when I got to hear your little heartbeat. It’s crazy how fast it is!

One of the things we were most excited about was the gender reveal. We decided we didn’t want to find out at the actual appointment, we wanted a special party. We had to wait two weeks between our appointment and our party and it was LONG! Mommy just wanted to know so she could start shopping for you. The whole entire time I thought you’d be a little girl and daddy knew you’d be a little boy. Daddy was right and we were both very happy to find out you were going to be our little boy! We had picked out the name Nolan Robert for a little boy a long time ago and we were excited to get to name you that. Daddy REALLY likes baseball and there was a pitcher named Nolan Ryan so that’s where you got your first name… But your middle name is a little more special. Daddy had a really good friend named Robby. A few years ago Robby went to Heaven. We really wanted to name you after him because we miss him and he was a great friend to a lot of people! So you will have the name Nolan Robert!!!

Two days after the party we had to go to a special doctor. At our last appointment, the midwife found something she was worried about on your little heart so we had to get it checked out. At the special doctor we got to see you again! She guessed that you are about 1 pound and 1 ounce! You’re so little, but you’re going to grow to be really strong. When she looked at your heart she told us that she didn’t see what the midwife saw but she saw something else. Now we have to go see an even more special doctor, she’s called a pediatric cardiologist. The doctors are worried you might have something called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) which means the left side of your little heart isn’t developing like it should be.

Little Man, this is not what mommy and daddy want for you. This is not what anyone wants for you. This could mean a few surgeries in your future and we don’t want to have to put you through that. We want to be able to take you home right away but sometimes our plans are not God’s plan. That’s what mommy and daddy are learning through this and one day you’ll have to learn it, too. If you’re anything like mommy you’ll want to control EVERYTHING! But God is the One in control and sometimes we have to learn that we need to trust Him because He knows what He’s doing! That still doesn’t make it easy. I told daddy that the only thing I want to be “wrong” with your heart is that it’s just so full of love for EVERYBODY! Which isn’t actually a problem, but mommy has a hard time loving some people and I don’t want you to have that problem.

Nolan, despite all of this you’re going to be an awesome little boy! You’re going to be daddy’s best friend. He’s so excited to be able to teach you how to fish and play baseball. He might also teach you how to ride a motorcycle which doesn’t ease mommy’s heart. You’ll be mommy’s little boy. If you every want anything it’ll probably be best to come to me. How will I ever say no to my little man? You’re going to have so many friends! You’ll have a TON of aunts and a couple uncles who spoil you rotten! Your grandparents will only spoil you worse! When you start going to preschool you’ll be the favorite. Don’t tell the other kids, though.

Mommy and daddy can’t wait to meet you!!! We are counting down the weeks. And if you do have to have some surgeries you’ll have a pretty bad ass scar to show how strong you are!

We love you so much!

He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries. (Psalm 112:7-8 ESV)

As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. (James 5:11 NIV)

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